Dazed and Confused

Well, my laptop is fixed... for the most part. The q key still isn't working, and now the down arrow key doesn't work either. I talked to Babnoba about it and he said that we can work a deal with the owner of the computer shop that owned haven and I might be able to get a new laptop. I want a bigger hard drive and hopefully a webcam. That way I can talk to my brother in Albania!

Anyways, my cooking has started to get better. I made teriyaki chicken today using a recipe that I found online. linky! It's really good! Last time I made it though, I burned it. My mom liked it though.

But I just felt like updating today.

Ja ne!

So, I finally am able to get my laptop back and fairly back to normal, only having the q key problem. I get home tonight in order to download the Vista Service Pack 1 on it without having to worry about someone stealing it or anything, and it WON'T. EVEN. BOOT! With my down arrow key also not working it is impossible for me to boot from a cd in order to fix the situation, so now my computer is well and truly fucked. Yay. I ending up slamming the screen down a few times, running upstairs to screech into a pillow and throw the closest solid things to me at the wall(a roll of masking tape and a walky-talky) and finally crying while my fiance Babnoba held me. He told me that we're going to talk to the owner of the computer shop and see if we can give him the laptop for parts and put them towards a new computer. Babnoba suggested a Mac but they're stupid expensive even though i'd really like one. I'll have to look up info later today.

But now I'm using my desktop which I finally got fixed up and added interwebs to it so I can do all my posting and stuff. So that's good. At least I'm not completely without interwebs. The one downside is taht the keyboard I'm using doesn't have a left SHIFT key. So that makes typing kind of difficult. And the fact that all the keys seem to be really close to each other, or it might be because I'm not used to a desktop keyboard anymore. *sigh*

But I'm going to bed now. I have math class at 10.

Ja ne!

Hiq! eqverqyoqneq! IQ'm back! For qa wqhiqle qat leqast. As youq can seqe, IQ have qa pqrqoqbleqm wqiqth my keqyboqarqd. THereq iqs a cerqatiqn keqy oqn iqt that iqs brqoqkeqn. IQ can't actuqally uqseq that keqy, buqt eqeverqy tiqmeq IQ typqeq soqmeqthiqng wqiqth theq topq liqne qofq my keqyboqarqd, iqt pqoqpqs upq. Soq yay! The qoqnly keqys that seqeqm to qwqoqrqk wqiqthouqt that keqy poqpqpqiqng uqpq are qthe t keqy and the y keqy. Joqy. Loql. iqt's Kiqnda fuqnny seqeqiqng my eqntrqy al liqterqeqd wqiqth the qleqtterq IQ have qnoq coqntroql oqverq. The qoqnly waqy IQ can have qany seqmblanceq oqf coqntrqoql wqiqth iqt iqs iqf IQ have fiqlterq keqys oqn.

And noqwq IQ'm heqarqiqng the qsouqnds oqf huqngrqy kiqtteqms. RQarqwrq.

Gotqs to qgoq noqwq! Huqbby toq beq at hoqmeq!

Today I have to sit out on our Sunday Dungeons and Dragons session. *sigh* The reason being is that my character is currently on a mission to "fix what's not right" with her. (previous session, my alignment of chaotic neutral switched to lawful neutral) So she is off on her quest to get that fixed, and I am just going to sit and twiddle my thumbs and listen to the session. Poor Hulda(that is her name, but it's pronounced 'hilda'), all alone out in the wide world with no one to talk to. Although I did get to rage against some orcs. It was really cool; first I shot some down(meaning i exploded their brains) and then I raged and took the others out with my mace who I fondly call Dollie. When I raged, I giggled like a little girl. I think it kinda creeped out the people who were listening. I have to solo-session until she finishes her quest.

Well, I seem to keep getting sidetracked so I'm going to go for now.

Ja ne!

Really! I took an Excedrin because once again I have a huge headache. The prescription sunglasses are currently on top of my head since I can't read the keyboard with them on.

But anyway, now my throat feels clogged because I have nothing else to wash this pill down with except spit and that's not helping at all. Dammit.

That's it really. I just suddenly felt like posting on here but I have nothing that I wish to say that can be read by certain people.

So, ja ne!

So around 10:30ish last night I got home from a Magic the Gathering tournament at Haven with a HUGE headache. I got it at work shortly after eating a delicious strawberry milkshake sample from the Snack Shack that has recently taken the place of Sweet & Nutty in our most prestigious mall. Not. Anyways, my boss thinks that the carpet cleaning fumes might have been the cause of it(they came in just after I did and cleaned really quickly) but I think it might have been a combination of the ice cream and talking to him. He always seems to make my head hurt lol.

Anywhos, so I get home and all I want to do is take some Excedrin and go to sleep. Instead I take some Excedrin, pop on my prescription sunglasses, and turn on my laptop, where I then precede to read three chapters of Shinobu Kokoro, a yaoi manga. At 2 this morning, I wake up from a weird dream I was having about D&D and ninjas. In the dream, I'm with Babnoba(who I think was playing a human necromancer named Bill Doors, who is a totally kickass character) and I think maybe Master John, who was playing a dwarven cleric by the name of Bendis. And I was playing my halfling ninja named Whisper.

So, the three of us are in a dungeon(like you always seem to be in in D&D) when we get ambushed by, you guessed it, ninjas. And who do they go after? Me, of course. Because a person who stands at 3 ft is SO scary! These ninjas are in traditional ninja garb, including the silly metal headband thing(still haven't figured out how that helps the ninja any if at all) except their eyes seem to have no lids. They just stare at you. I had managed to get one partially immobilized by holding his hands at the wrists and sort of piggybacking him only with my legs around his shoulders. I'm telling my companions to pull his mask off so we can see who it is and then ask him questions but for some reason they can't seem to get it off. It's like the guy didn't have a face, only those weird, unblinking eyes. And then I woke up.

You ever notice how, at night, your room happens to be ten times more scary, especially if you've just woken up from a bad dream? Well, that was how I felt. I kept thinking that a wide-eyed ninja was going to pop out of the shadows and attack me for some reason. So I woke my laptop up and turned on my floor lamp at 2 in the morning. And I feel like I rested for the usual 6-8 hours like you're supposed to.

Except now I'm feeling a bit tired so I might just try and sleep again. But relaying my dream to here has brought up the weird "I'm being watched" feeling so I'm not sure if I will go back to sleep just yet. That and I'm getting the munchies. So, I'm going to go for now.

Ja ne!

Yay! It turns out that if you wait a little, the rice will "harden" on its on enough to where you're not going to have sticky hands from handling it. Joy! And butter helps too. I have a friend (babymuncher for the sake of privacy) who LOVES her rice with a ton of butter on it. So last week I toasted some with butter both in and on them. She about DIED for joy. Well I need to get back to my cooking.

Ja ne!

Argh! I think I just messed up a big pot of rice I'm making for my anime club. It didn't do this last time! Rawr! It's got the consistency of sticky rice now. It shapes okay, but it feels like playdoh and doesn't get un-sticky even after toasting. Joy. Anime club is at 12:30 and now I might have to make a whole new bunch!

Day One Part Deux:

We went to the viewing at about 7 o'clock. She looked very peaceful lying there. Everyone cried some more. I feel very bad because out of everyone that was there, I knew my grandma the least. There was never a time in almost my whole life that she wasn't sick. It was apparently diagnosed when I was four. But since I hardly ever saw her, I never knew her in the early stages that I can remember.

And after hearing my aunt's reasons for doing things they way they did them: a private viewing with just the family, a closed casket, not wanting to stand and accept condolences, I found I was not as mad at them as I was when I first arrived. I am still upset with them for torturing my mom and uncle, but there's not much I can do about it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Day Two:

Today was the ceremony. It was held at the Media Presbyterian Church. We all cried again. I think after that I got a little numb. Like I couldn't really cry anymore for this person I hardly knew yet was so central in my mom's, aunts' and uncle's life.

After the ceremony, we all went to the local Town House and had lunch/dinner. It was very good, with chicken that was super tender and juicy and mashed potatoes with the skin still on them. Yum! After that, my parents and I went to Trader Joe's, which is like an organic food store. They have these really great cookies called Petite....Petites I want to say.

(....Argh, a sorta buddy of mine is going out for a smoke and I want one but I quit but I've been going through shit

Anyway, moving on....)

When I got back to my uncle's, he let me use his MacBook, and I played Runescape for like 3 hours or so before I got on www.hulu.com and watched The Legend of the Seeker. It's a good show, though I have not read the books it's based on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Day Three:

Today was the burial. The priest was late! And like yesterday it was wet, rainy, and COLD. But the priest finally came and as he did the small ceremony, my aunts and mom started crying again. I couldn't cry, even if I wanted to. I think I'm all cried out.

But now I am back home where I've wanted to be since I left here. My boyfriend is playing D&D with his friends and I am here updating my journal. But I don't feel like writing much more. I'm on a quest to find a movie I watched during Anime Weekend Atlanta last year.

Ja ne.

Alright. Time to bring everyone up to speed on my life.

First off, roughly a month ago, my goat Leann passed away for reasons unknown.

And this past Friday, my grandmother also entered immortality. Joy, huh?

And now, I'm sitting in my uncle Carl's house using his Mac book. We got up here at around 12:30 this morning. Oy! The only reason that we were even up here in one big drive was because my aunts Priscilla and Nina were bugging my mom incessantly about it. Here is Pennsylvania, by the way.

My aunts make me so ANGRY! They keep nagging on my mom and uncle Carl about stupid things, and they don't seem to care that their mom just DIED and should act like the grownups they pretend to be. It's stupid! I have to spend the whole day with them and I'm worried that I'm going to say something I'm going to regret and then they'll rag on mom some more!

I want to go home.

Back to my boyfriend and my less stressful life.

Hell, I want to go back to my JOB!

GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!

I have finally figured out how to play Magic the Gathering! My boyfriend, Babnoba plays, and I usually stick around during the weekly tournaments and watch. But I finally got out the deck a friend had made for me and figured out the basic rules. Since then I've been thinking of cards that can help my deck out some. It's an all-black deck, and I eventually want to make a black-red deck, but first I want to make this deck better.

In other news, I have a perfect town in Animal Crossing: Wild World. And now Illyria has entrusted her copy to me to make it perfect. I've almost got it, but when I check to see how people like the enviroment, they say that something is missing. Anybody have any ideas?

Well, I gotta go. Ja ne!

I used to play this game in middle school on our super old computers. I had all but forgotten about about how stupidly AWESOME it is! Lol. So, I've started playing it again just now, and it's HARD. It might just be me, but it's difficult to play. Not because you can't kill the monsters or anything like that. But the controls are hard to work. They're really simple, but since it's a DOS game, it doesn't always work for me. Anyways, you guys, the few who might read this, should totally check it out. It is EPIC! At least to me it is.

Ja ne!

*8 bit Zelda starts playing*

Rejoice! For I have revived my old cherry-red Gameboy Pocket! Along with my Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening and Game and Watch Gallery 3. I'm working on getting Dr. Mario and Super Mario Land 6 Golden Coins back up and running, but they're stubborn. I'm sad to say that I have not yet been able to find my copy of Tetris that I once owned. That make me very sad. But with this discovery, I might start buying the ole Gameboy games again. At least for the nostalgia.

Well, that's it for now. Ja ne!

So I get home from Babnoba's store and sit on the computer for a few hours in a vague impression of doing my homework when I'm actually reading and looking up bento recipes along with how to crochet amigurumi and playing Mahjong on www.addictinggames.com. Then, at around 11 or so, I decide that I should first drag al of my stuff upstairs to my blessedly warm room (thank you Santa for the space heater!) and then trudge right back down to do the dishes. I'm not known for washing dishes. Babnoba's domestic tendencies are rubbing off on me.

Lots of things he does is starting to rub off on me. He's dyslexic; suddenly I can't spell or read for crap. Thankfully that doesn't happen often. Also, he is very diplomatic. The other day, I managed to pull some crazy diplomacy skills out of my ass and talk my friend Anna's mom into letting her stay and hang out. And finally, the dish washing.

...And now my back hurts from sitting like this and I have homework that's due tomorrow at 11 that I haven't even cracked and after that I have to go in to work and I have no clean shirts and the District manager has been floating around the stores lately BUT I get paid tomorrow which is a good thing but alas I can't touch any of it because I am negative broke at this point which is one of the reasons I'm investing in making bento so I don't have to order out after class and Babnoba likes nori with sweet rice but I couldn't stomach it so next time I make onigiri I"m only going to put the nori on his rice so that I don't have to deal with it and I just realized that I have been typing on long run-on sentence not even broken by punctuation and I also realized that I really don't care either way because I'm tired and my feet are cold and starting to fall asleep and I watched mythbusters the other day and it was about ninjas and I was all like 'that don guy or whatever isn't a ninja' even though they said he was a true ninja begins training practically at birth and they have to learn to live off the bare minimum sustenance and carry really heavy packs in their bakcs and actually run with it and oh my head is starting ot hurt and now my neck is killing me and I really wish I could stop writing so much random stuff and just use puncuation and I really need ot stop drinking soda in sign class because it makes me stupid and i'm going to go to bed now so ja ne and sorry for the tyops1!

... sorry, listening to Kimya Dawson. Great singer.

Anyway, IT'S FINALLY 2009!!! WOOT! I got made the Vice Overlord of our college anime club, and me and Babnoba are still going out. *sigh* he makes me so happy... He's really chivalrous, holding doors open and carrying my bag and everything. Some of my friends were talking about how the worst boyfriends start out that way, then turn into total over-bearing assholes. But I know that's not gonna happen. So XP!

In other news, I HATE BEING BORN FEMALE!! I WANT TO DIE!! RAWR!!!

Okay, got that out of my system. Anyways, I'm currently looking up recipes for bento. Yay, bento. So, if anyone knows any good sites or anything, please let me know!

But, um, I guess that's it for now. Ja ne!

Ah, the sounds of a typical Sunday morning in the Chibi house. The sounds of at least one of her nieces crying over some injustice done to them, Mom yelling at everyone, Spongebob on the TV. Yep. I love my life. NOT. GET ME OUT OF HERE! PLEASE!!! I wish Babnoba and I could hurry up and move into our own place. He asked me to spend Thanksgiving with him and his 2 families. Apparently, he goes to see both of his grandmas and has two dinners instead of the traditional one. I still don't know what my family's doing yet, though.

... I miss Babnoba. I can't wait until tonight at the D&D campaign. He's running this dungeon campaign where depending on what color key you use on a certain color door, all kinds of crazy can happen. And it keeps changing. I'm a level 8 half-elf Cleric. Yay.

Well it's time for me to head off to church. Even though I'm Catholic, I have to go to a Baptist church. Rawr

Ja ne!

I love Prairie Home Companion! It are good.

Anyway, here we go! An update of my life!

... Lol the Guy Noir theme just started playing. Makes me want to write this like a cheesy 30s mystery. "I was sitting at my desk, listening to the dulcet jazz tones of the sax when he walked in. He was tall, real tall, so tall he had to duck to enter my office. He was a real looker, and he had this look in his eye, like he could kill you just by staring..."

Okay, I need to stop. I did that with my dad one day. We were talking about how Guy Noir always exaggerates things, like "Her coat was so tight I could read the small tag on the inside of her shirt -'Dry Clean Only'." Lol

Anywhos, life's been pretty great. I went to Anime Weekend Atlanta. It totally ROCKED!! Although apparently there have been rumors circulating that Vic Mignogna yelled at an artist for drawing a Kuro/Fay picture. I'm here to say that's not true! He was doing a shoutout to the Voice Actor Whores. I was there! He thought that my friend Linake had said "voice actor wars" and he was calling out Aaron Dismuke, and you can see it here. So that is out there to DISPEL THOSE STUPID RUMORS!

Anyway, work's not quite going like I wish it would. With all this talk of the mall closing, I'm trying to save every penny I can. Rawr. We got this new guy in. Yeah, Homeschool quit like a week after me and Babnoba started dating. So now Surferdude is here. But he has an attitude. One of those 'why am i even here?' ones. I haven't worked with him, and it's not likely I will, but who knows?

... I had an idea of what else I was going to write about, but suddenly listening to puppets have sex has made me brain dead. (go Avenue Q). So I guess I'll just end it here for now.

Ja ne!

Argh! I hate my life right now.

On the up side, I'm finally dating the guy I had a crush on. For identity safety, I'll call him Babnoba. Apparently, him and my ex(who we will call Sasquatch) are in some kind of silent 'man war'. Whenever the three of us are together, Babnoba stands behind me like some kind of bouncer. And when he's not doing that, he's hugging me and holding me close. Which I really like and it makes Sasquatch uncomfortable. I don't think we'll ever be truly be over each other, but at least we've moved on. According to him, he briefly dated to people over the summer. I just recently started my relationship with Babnoba.

It's kinda weird how we started dating. This new guy at work, who we call Homeschool, was asking my coworker(whodunnit) about me. As in, 'when will Chibi and me work together again?' which I'm glad that we're both associates and hence will hardly EVER work together. He's not that bad of a guy, he's just... kinda weird. He's an M. And I'm not explaining that to the plebs that happen to be reading this and don't know what an M is. Anyway, he's also an otaku, which isn't so bad, but we got into a couple of arguments because of our different likes and dislikes pertaining to certain manga.

Anyway, whodunnit told me that he was asking about me, and when I told Babnoba, he said that there was an easy solution to the problem: go out with him. At first I thought he was kidding, but when I told whodunnit, he said, 'but I was being serious'. So that's how we started dating.

Now, when I had told Babnoba the story of Homeschool, there was another friend of mine that was listening in. Jared, the other guy, upon hearing Babnoba's idea, chimed in with 'or me'. And apparently HE was being serious too! Because yesterday, while walking to grab some lunch, he said 'so when are we gonna start dating?' I honestly can't tell if he was being serious or not. But it was so weird! Having 3 guys all wanting to go out with me at the same time.

Oh, and on a different note, JOHN'S BACK!!!! My friend who went to Winston returned about 2 weeks ago. He had been wandering around Winston homeless for the past couple of months, I'm guessing. His jackass of an ex, Shane, mentally mind fucked him HARD. He deleted all of the numbers in John's phone, made him keep it turned off, and the only way to get in touch with them, aside from going to their apartment(which they were evicted out of) was to call Shane's PARENTS. His PARENTS!! He's 32, for God's sake!! Anyway, John quit Sears to work with Shane at Pepsi, then they both quit or were fired, one. And John dropped out of college. So my poor innocent baby was royally screwed over. But I'm really glad he's back. And it's good that he's had these problems with money. Cause before, he always spent his money on stupid things, like wasting like 2,000 on a diamond the size of a PEA, then losing it. But now, he knows not to waste money.

But back to how I hate my life. Since classes have started, I have quickly discovered that I really can't stand my Western Civ teacher. He talks kinda like that one teacher on Southpark(I've only seen commercials for the show, and like one or two episodes cause nothing else was on), and we're not learning anything! I feel bad about it now, but I've skivved the last 3 classes. I know that I only get a certain amount of skiv days, but I just can't sit in that class and listen to him talk about himself all day! The 3rd day I was in there, I pulled out my English freewriting notebook(it has to be handed in at the end of the semester) and totally ignored him the whole class. I just wrote about random stuff. And the funny thing is, I sit in the very front of the class, right next to his desk. And he usually leans on the top of it to talk. But I've already missed the first couple of assignments, but I honestly can't bring myself to care. I know that acting all apathetic about it is going to bit me in the ass later, but we weren't even learning anything!

Well, I'm going to bed now. I'll try and write more.

Ja ne!

Harro! lol that's hello in Japanese! Duh, it's not really.

Anyways, school is just around the corner, waiting to bite me in the ass with high prices and shitty classes(except for ASL! Yay!) Mom said she would help for this one semester, and I am eternally grateful to her. I also applied for financial aid, and I am now waiting for a letter from them. I hope I get it. I'm kinda skating on thin ice this time around so I'm extra nervous.

But I gotta go now. Stuff to do and all

Hey guys! I know I really don't update much anymore. Work and all. But anyway, I just came to a conclusion. I really have no friends anymore.

I don't mean like John, John, Jodie, Julia, Thomas or Brianna(did I get that right girlfriend?) I mean like my old friends like Carrie-sama, Thomas(Tohma!), Noelle, Jessica, Steven, Li, and even Amber and I hardly talk. And we work in the same shitty-ass small as crap mall! When we see each other it's like:

Me: Hey! What's up?
Her: Not much... just...working
Me: Me too. How are you doing?
Her: Good. Um, I have to go now.
Me: Right, right. Well, see ya. *awkward hug*
Her: ...Bye

"Well, maybe she really was working and you were just disturbing her?" Nope, not the case. Aside from putting books up, or stickering books and stuff, there was no one around who needed help or anything. I know I know I probably sound all nasty and mean and hurtful. But damnit! I need to vent somewhere! And where better to do it than here, where anyone who wants to can read it and be all like "omg listen to this stupid self-centered nobody bitch about her life" Well fuck you! Okay? I don't know why I'm suddenly acting like this! I just am!

... And now I'm crying. Just great. Maybe that's what I need. A good long cry. A hug would be nice too.

Well, since now I'm all depressed and everything I might as well tell those of you who don't know. I broke up with Lowell. He was my bf for a year and things seemed to be getting serious. I thought I was genuinely happy with him. But I guess not. As it got closer to our one-year anniversary, I started thinking about us and where we were going. And I just couldn't STOP. It was like watching a train wreck. You just can't look away from it. Before I knew it, I was thinking of ending it. All my thoughts were just heaped together. Everybody could tell something was happening with me. Jodie said that while it looked like we were being genuine, other times it seemed like we were just 'going through the motions' and I got so confused. So I sat up one night and typed a letter in Notepad. I tried to get all my thoughts out to him. When I was done, I gave him the flash drive and said to think about it and call me when he was ready to talk. And I went to Animazement. I had a great time, but knowing that I had to face him when I got back made me reluctant to leave.

When I did get a chance to talk to him, we both cried. He said that my letter was basically bullshit and wanted me to tell him what I really felt. I had to explain that I didn't even know how I felt. I just.... felt...so CONFUSED about everything! I'm still confused!

And now everyone is trying to push me and Thomas together and I just don't know what to DO! I like him, yes. Going out with him would be nice, yes. But if we broke up, it would be too awkward. It's still awkward whenever I see Lowell!

Anyways, the whole reason this little trip down "Bring Me Down" lane was because of the fact that I don't know what any of my friends are doing. All I know is what I learn from their journal entries on here and on deviantart. I don't really see them anymore. It seems that I see Carrie's mom more than I see her. I guess I just... MISS EVERYBODY. I graduated first, and then it seems like I just disappeared from their lives. I wonder if anybody talked about me at all. I wonder if they said mean things about me. Probably did. Said I was too loud, too chirpy, too nosy. Too annoying. I had stupid ideas. I said too many stupid things. I don't know. I just feel so alone right now. Even though I have my new friends and a potential new bf, I still feel completely alone. Just about all of my new friends went to school together. I went to Statesville. Apparently I'm the only one who went there. So now I'm all depressed and stuff.

On a different note, my dad says that if I don't get into school this semester I have to start paying $50 a week to stay in my room. I really hope I move out soon.

So now I want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for every little thing I ever said or did to any of my friends, old and new, that hurt them. I'm sorry if I wasn't the best friend in the world sometimes. I'm just SORRY for everything. I hope you guys forgive me. I'll try not to bother you anymore.

Good night.